today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
