I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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