I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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