one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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