I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
