She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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pray to the hookup gods
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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