He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
