I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
