Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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