so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
