Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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