I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
