Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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