Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize