he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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