I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize