Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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