Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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