Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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