If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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