I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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