I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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