Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
