I didn't shave. On purpose
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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