I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
