I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am one with the molecules
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
