you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize