Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
