The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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