Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
