i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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