What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
