dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
