If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
