Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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