Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
