I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
