so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
