I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
