We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Congratulations! We have a period
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
