while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
