I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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