I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
