I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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