Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
