this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
