i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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