yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
