He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
