i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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