If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
