But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
