I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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