sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
