I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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