Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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