these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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