Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
