I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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