I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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