im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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