it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
