I'm really into asian looking animals
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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