Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
