Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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