put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sext me about skeletons
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
