A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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