My brain says no but my pants say off.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need moral support for this bender
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
