when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
